“Shoppers Disappoint Retailers”

A true and actual headline from today’s Yahoo news scroll: “Shoppers Disappoint Retailers this Holiday Season.”

Shoppers. That’s us. We disappointed them. We disappointed them. Did we owe them our dollars? Evidently, someone thinks we did. That word disappoint carries connotations. The annoying parental catchphrase: “No, sweetie, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.” Translation: Your behavior did not live up to my expectations. Shame on you, you let me down.

Shame on you, shoppers, you let us down.

Then, two paragraphs in, I encountered this:

Some analysts say the massacre of schoolchildren in Newtown, Conn., earlier this month may also have chipped away at shoppers’ enthusiasm.

Ya think?

Skipping over the annoying Fox News-like non-attribution (Which analysts? What are their names? Do they actually exist, or are you just making shit up?), did no one stop to consider that joining those two phrases — massacre of schoolchildren and shoppers’ enthusiasm — in the same sentence might be a little, oh, I don’t know, tone deaf, inappropriate and utterly and completely crass?

Makes me want to pack my bags and move to Arcturus. Like, now.