Dine & Dash

I’m trying to give these two guys the benefit of the doubt. They’ve been in before. They seemed nice enough.

And sometimes people really do forget to pay.

It’s happened a couple times. I’ll get a text a day or two later, a little email notice from my payment processor: “You’ve got money.” Usually with an “oops!” attached. Because most people aren’t assholes. They’re absent-minded. Distracted. Sleep-deprived. Preoccupied. They forget what they’re doing right here and now because in their heads they’ve already moved on to the next place, the next meeting, the next appointment, the next thing on their list of all the things.

We’ve all got those lists.

One day a long time ago I was staying at my dad’s house in Phoenix and came back from a walk to find the back door locked, even though my dad was home and we agreed to keep that door unlocked so I could get in and out. When he answered my knock and let me in, I asked him why he’d locked the door. He just shrugged. “I thought I’d already left,” he said.

Like Kramer on Seinfeld, anticipating his island vacation: “In my mind I’m already gone.”

Aren’t we all.

So, yeah, benefit of the doubt and all that. But I don’t think I’m going to get an “oops” from these two guys. I think they’re just gone.